Problems with Intimacy
By this I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy difficulty. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the embarrassment and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or abandoned. On the other hand, you may fear being overwhelmed in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for intimacy and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner criticizes that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for Autonomy.
Painful Emotions
Codependency creates stress and leads to painful feelings. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure etc; feeling imprisoned by being close or being lonely. The other symptoms lead to feelings of rage and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and anguish. When the feelings are too much, you can feel emotionless.
There is help for recovery and transformation. The first step is getting therapy, guidance and support. These symptoms are deeply ingrained habits and difficult to identify and change on your own. Seek counseling. In my experience backed up by research I’ve found that codependent symptoms get worse if left untreated. The good news is that they’re reversible. For the treatment method I recommend click “Emotional Intelligence Therapy” above.
By this I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy difficulty. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the embarrassment and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or abandoned. On the other hand, you may fear being overwhelmed in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for intimacy and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner criticizes that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for Autonomy.
Painful Emotions
Codependency creates stress and leads to painful feelings. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure etc; feeling imprisoned by being close or being lonely. The other symptoms lead to feelings of rage and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and anguish. When the feelings are too much, you can feel emotionless.
There is help for recovery and transformation. The first step is getting therapy, guidance and support. These symptoms are deeply ingrained habits and difficult to identify and change on your own. Seek counseling. In my experience backed up by research I’ve found that codependent symptoms get worse if left untreated. The good news is that they’re reversible. For the treatment method I recommend click “Emotional Intelligence Therapy” above.
Notes:
If you wonder whether you may be codependent, you are not alone. Different kinds of individuals may act in a codependent way, and codependence exhibits in different levels of intensity. Not all codependents are disappointed, while others reside in discomfort or silent frustration. Codependency is not something you cure from and are permanently done with, but you can appreciate yourself, your lifestyle, and your connections. Should you select to begin restoration, you are starting an interesting and strengthening trip.
Determining If You’re Codependent
If you are thinking if you are codependent, take a look at the following record of signs. You do not have to have all of them to be codependent, and there are levels of harshness of codependence. If without treatment, codependency gets more intense eventually, but with help you can restore and be much more efficient in your perform and connections. Here are some typical traits:
Low self-esteem
Not preference or recognizing yourself
Feeling you're insufficient in some way
Thinking you are not quite enough
Worrying you are or could be a failure
Concerned with what other individuals think about you
Perfectionism
Pleasing others and providing up yourself
Poor boundaries
Boundaries that are too inadequate and there is not enough separateness between you and your partner
Boundaries that are too firm and keep you from being close
Boundaries that convert coming back and forth between too near and too rigid
Reactivity
Dysfunctional Communication
Difficulty displaying ideas and feelings
Difficulty establishing limitations — saying “No” or avoiding abuse
Abusive language
Lack of assertiveness about your needs
Dependency
Afraid of being alone or out of a relationship
Feeling stuck in a bad connection and incapable to leave
Relying too much on others opinions
Intimacy problems
Avoidance of closeness
Losing yourself
Trying to management or operate others
Feeling stuck in a structural relationship
Denial
Denial of codependency
Denial about a agonizing truth in your relationship
Denial of your feelings
Denial of your needs
Caretaking
Control
Controlling your own feelings
Managing and handling individuals in your life; informing them what to do
Manipulating others to experience or act like you want (people attractive is a manipulation)
Obsessions
Addiction to a material or process
Painful emotions
Shame
Anxiety
Fear
Guilt
Hopelessness
Despair
Depression
Reducing Pressure through Relaxation
The key to conquering codependency is soothing and making a connection with yourself. At Stanford Healthcare University, Dr. Herbert Benson designed a kind of pleasure that does not need any religious values, but was very efficient peace, stress, depressive disorders and rage. It’s known as the Relaxation Reaction. Try it and if you like it do it every day.
Sit in a comfortable place, and near your sight.
Starting at your feet and advancing to your experience, rest each muscular, and keep them comfortable.
Breathe normally through your nasal area, and do it again “one” quietly with each take in in and again with each take in out. Do not management your breathing.
Do this everyday for 10 to 20 minutes, and take a few minutes before coming back to regular actions.
Turning the Concentrate onto Yourself
Focusing on someone else is a actual issue for codependents. Allowing go is not simple. Switching that around so that your focus is on you does not create you selfish; actually, it’s displaying regard for another person's independence and limitations. Here are some realistic factors you can do to:
When you are together, keep in mind not to look at the other individual.
Don’t get stuck or worry about him or her. Think about placing the individual in God’s arms or enclosed by treatment mild. Deliver them really like.
Don’t assess others, just as you do not want to be assessed.
Don’t have objectives of others; instead, fulfill objectives of yourself.
You did not cause another person's actions. Others are accountable for their actions, and you are only accountable for yours.
Write about your feelings in a publication. Study it to someone near to you or a specialist.
Practice arbitration or spiritual techniques.
Pursue your own passions and have fun.
Remember you cannot modify or “fix” someone else. Only he or she has the energy to do so.
Take a moment out. If you are starting to respond to someone or are in an discussion, it’s a wise decision to phase away and take a while to think factors over. A wise decision is to create in your publication.
Write beneficial factors about yourself in your publication every day. Look for factors you did well or like about yourself, and create them down.
Take appearance off. Sometimes, you can have objectives and create presumptions about someone very near to you which you would not of a buddy. Ask yourself how you would cure the other individual if he or she was not your associate or mother or father.
Getting Help for Your Codependency
If you think you may be codependent, you need help to modify your actions. Here are some resources of help for those affected by codependency:
Read all you can about codependency (but studying alone is insufficient to change).
Go to a 12 Step conference for codependents, such as Codependents Unknown, known as CoDA, or Al-Anon for close family associates individuals alcoholics. There are other 12 Step categories to see relatives associates individuals other lovers, such as to see relatives associates individuals players, narcotic lovers, and sex lovers. You can look on the Online or in your yellow pages to discover out where there happens to be conference near you.
Get guidance from someone acquainted with codependency. It’s more suitable that they are certified in your condition. They may be wedding and family associates therapists, public employees, habit professionals, professionals, or psychiatrists.
You will probably discover it difficult to concentrate on and self-discipline yourself to create changes without the assistance of a team or specialist. If you are exercising an habit, avoiding that should be your first concern before dealing with codependency. Here is a record of factors you can do on your own to get started:
When you are influenced to think or worry about someone else, convert your interest coming back to you.
Pay interest to how you discuss to and cure yourself. Much of low self-esteem is self-inflicted. Practice yourself to discuss carefully and motivating rather than informing yourself what you should or should not be doing or what exactly is incorrect with you.
Have some fun and engage in passions of your own.
Start a religious exercise where you invest a while alone with yourself. Relaxation is an ideal way to help you become more relaxed and self-aware.
Start looking for the beneficial in your lifestyle and what you do. Create a thankful record each day and create out the print to someone.
Stand-up for yourself if someone criticizes, undermines, or tries to management you.
Don’t worry! That is not simple, but most issues never come to successfully pass. You reduce valuable minutes in the existing. Mediation and discussing factors out with someone who knows about recuperating from codependency can help you.
Let go of management and the need to handle other individuals. Recall the saying, “Live and let stay.”
Accept yourself, so you do not have to be ideal.
Get hold of your feelings. Don’t assess them. Feelings just are. They are not sensible or right or incorrect.
Express yourself genuinely with everyone. Say what you think and what you experience. Ask for what you need.
Reach out for help when you experience bad. Don’t drop into the snare of considering you are self-sufficient and can handle alone. That is a indication of codependency, too.
If you wonder whether you may be codependent, you are not alone. Different kinds of individuals may act in a codependent way, and codependence exhibits in different levels of intensity. Not all codependents are disappointed, while others reside in discomfort or silent frustration. Codependency is not something you cure from and are permanently done with, but you can appreciate yourself, your lifestyle, and your connections. Should you select to begin restoration, you are starting an interesting and strengthening trip.
Determining If You’re Codependent
If you are thinking if you are codependent, take a look at the following record of signs. You do not have to have all of them to be codependent, and there are levels of harshness of codependence. If without treatment, codependency gets more intense eventually, but with help you can restore and be much more efficient in your perform and connections. Here are some typical traits:
Low self-esteem
Not preference or recognizing yourself
Feeling you're insufficient in some way
Thinking you are not quite enough
Worrying you are or could be a failure
Concerned with what other individuals think about you
Perfectionism
Pleasing others and providing up yourself
Poor boundaries
Boundaries that are too inadequate and there is not enough separateness between you and your partner
Boundaries that are too firm and keep you from being close
Boundaries that convert coming back and forth between too near and too rigid
Reactivity
Dysfunctional Communication
Difficulty displaying ideas and feelings
Difficulty establishing limitations — saying “No” or avoiding abuse
Abusive language
Lack of assertiveness about your needs
Dependency
Afraid of being alone or out of a relationship
Feeling stuck in a bad connection and incapable to leave
Relying too much on others opinions
Intimacy problems
Avoidance of closeness
Losing yourself
Trying to management or operate others
Feeling stuck in a structural relationship
Denial
Denial of codependency
Denial about a agonizing truth in your relationship
Denial of your feelings
Denial of your needs
Caretaking
Control
Controlling your own feelings
Managing and handling individuals in your life; informing them what to do
Manipulating others to experience or act like you want (people attractive is a manipulation)
Obsessions
Addiction to a material or process
Painful emotions
Shame
Anxiety
Fear
Guilt
Hopelessness
Despair
Depression
Reducing Pressure through Relaxation
The key to conquering codependency is soothing and making a connection with yourself. At Stanford Healthcare University, Dr. Herbert Benson designed a kind of pleasure that does not need any religious values, but was very efficient peace, stress, depressive disorders and rage. It’s known as the Relaxation Reaction. Try it and if you like it do it every day.
Sit in a comfortable place, and near your sight.
Starting at your feet and advancing to your experience, rest each muscular, and keep them comfortable.
Breathe normally through your nasal area, and do it again “one” quietly with each take in in and again with each take in out. Do not management your breathing.
Do this everyday for 10 to 20 minutes, and take a few minutes before coming back to regular actions.
Turning the Concentrate onto Yourself
Focusing on someone else is a actual issue for codependents. Allowing go is not simple. Switching that around so that your focus is on you does not create you selfish; actually, it’s displaying regard for another person's independence and limitations. Here are some realistic factors you can do to:
When you are together, keep in mind not to look at the other individual.
Don’t get stuck or worry about him or her. Think about placing the individual in God’s arms or enclosed by treatment mild. Deliver them really like.
Don’t assess others, just as you do not want to be assessed.
Don’t have objectives of others; instead, fulfill objectives of yourself.
You did not cause another person's actions. Others are accountable for their actions, and you are only accountable for yours.
Write about your feelings in a publication. Study it to someone near to you or a specialist.
Practice arbitration or spiritual techniques.
Pursue your own passions and have fun.
Remember you cannot modify or “fix” someone else. Only he or she has the energy to do so.
Take a moment out. If you are starting to respond to someone or are in an discussion, it’s a wise decision to phase away and take a while to think factors over. A wise decision is to create in your publication.
Write beneficial factors about yourself in your publication every day. Look for factors you did well or like about yourself, and create them down.
Take appearance off. Sometimes, you can have objectives and create presumptions about someone very near to you which you would not of a buddy. Ask yourself how you would cure the other individual if he or she was not your associate or mother or father.
Getting Help for Your Codependency
If you think you may be codependent, you need help to modify your actions. Here are some resources of help for those affected by codependency:
Read all you can about codependency (but studying alone is insufficient to change).
Go to a 12 Step conference for codependents, such as Codependents Unknown, known as CoDA, or Al-Anon for close family associates individuals alcoholics. There are other 12 Step categories to see relatives associates individuals other lovers, such as to see relatives associates individuals players, narcotic lovers, and sex lovers. You can look on the Online or in your yellow pages to discover out where there happens to be conference near you.
Get guidance from someone acquainted with codependency. It’s more suitable that they are certified in your condition. They may be wedding and family associates therapists, public employees, habit professionals, professionals, or psychiatrists.
You will probably discover it difficult to concentrate on and self-discipline yourself to create changes without the assistance of a team or specialist. If you are exercising an habit, avoiding that should be your first concern before dealing with codependency. Here is a record of factors you can do on your own to get started:
When you are influenced to think or worry about someone else, convert your interest coming back to you.
Pay interest to how you discuss to and cure yourself. Much of low self-esteem is self-inflicted. Practice yourself to discuss carefully and motivating rather than informing yourself what you should or should not be doing or what exactly is incorrect with you.
Have some fun and engage in passions of your own.
Start a religious exercise where you invest a while alone with yourself. Relaxation is an ideal way to help you become more relaxed and self-aware.
Start looking for the beneficial in your lifestyle and what you do. Create a thankful record each day and create out the print to someone.
Stand-up for yourself if someone criticizes, undermines, or tries to management you.
Don’t worry! That is not simple, but most issues never come to successfully pass. You reduce valuable minutes in the existing. Mediation and discussing factors out with someone who knows about recuperating from codependency can help you.
Let go of management and the need to handle other individuals. Recall the saying, “Live and let stay.”
Accept yourself, so you do not have to be ideal.
Get hold of your feelings. Don’t assess them. Feelings just are. They are not sensible or right or incorrect.
Express yourself genuinely with everyone. Say what you think and what you experience. Ask for what you need.
Reach out for help when you experience bad. Don’t drop into the snare of considering you are self-sufficient and can handle alone. That is a indication of codependency, too.